I Hate When Futuristic Movies Go Too Far (Or Not Far Enough)

These days futuristic movies are all fast-forward, high-tech, next-level-nightmares. Packed with intrigues, explosions, "clever" one-liners and, consequently, steamy sex-scenes. They keep you exited, amused, queasy, and help affirm, by contrast, the fact that you are living in a wonderful Oz-like world where nothing bad, such that might result in nuclear war or white-slavery, ever happens. Each new movie tries to outcock the last by touting a harsher dystopia, a more oppressive government, a more complete nuclear wasteland, an ever more strange and dangerous society of people with false forms and noxious minds:

Won't you join us, human?

In the face of all this it is comforting to see that as late as thirty years ago Sci-Fi flicks depicting a wild unlikely future world still contained chintzy domestic scenes in which wallpaper was still all the gaudy rage, fashion was ass-backwards and the woman question was treated with the same subtlety and finesse as, say, the colorful world of Disney characters.

While I personally find narrow-mindedness refreshing, my lawyer-monkey advises me that I am walking on eggshells here with regards to potentially getting sued back into the stone-age (copyright: I am already writing the screenplay for that one, people). In compliance, I will make no further reference to the woman question:

I'm freaking out here! Is this how Buzz Lightyear felt on his first mission?

But and so, the question you might be asking is: did filmmakers simply not have the foresight to predict all kinds of crucial developments our current society has the luxury of taking for granted? Were they so preoccupied with the good old tropes of nuclear-winter, robot-apocalypse and doomed space-adventure that it did not occur to them that there might come a time for radical advancements including, but not limited to, home decor and the evolution of the modern domicile? 

You want I should raise my kids in this house?

No. It is clear now that those filmmakers knew exactly what they were doing. We can look back on their visions of endless white glass surfaces, psychedelic blinking lights, dials and wigwams as far as the eye can see, girls in plastic dresses, ludicrous robot helpers, oddly anachronistic language and  improbably futuristic architecture with smug sagacity, but I believe they were telling us something vital about ourselves. Namely, no matter how progressive, original, heroic or urban-cool you regard yourself you are nothing but a slapdash, backwards, poorly conceptualized tool:

I bet you're wondering were I holster this puppy!

But that is the way of the modern world. We want and need to fool ourselves. We do it every day when we roll out of bed, tamp out our Clove on the vintage armoire, beat it to the sound of Ra Ra Riot, gaze lovingly into the mirror, smile and brim with confidence at the complete package: bed-head, Elvis Costello glasses, vintage Twisted Sister t-shirt, checkered suspenders, denim cut-offs and suede wingtips; grab the Mac, our 'rents bought as a gift for moving to New York on our mission to become an "independent person," and head over to the local Starbucks where we proceed to not purchase anything and agonize for six hours about how to complete our most profound blog-post ever.

It seems to me that futuristic movies of the past have attempted to alleviate our modern minds - help us to forget the stress we feel upon realizing that we accidentally wore socks with our loafers or showed up to Occupy Wallstreet after all our friends have already grown bored and given up - and distract us from the really depressing problems of the day:

"I sicken myself?"

At the same time you might wonder if some of those movies went too far. Was it too optimistic to expect that by now there would be flying cars stuck in flyway traffic-jams, blocking out the sun's rays, robo-Jews selling us diamonds or doing our taxes, clones running amok, or a co-op of space-yuppies kicking it old-school on a Martian golf-course?

Has our society begun to stagnate since right around the advent of the interweb? Have we been too anchored in politics, war and silly hairstyles to make that long-promised push into the future? Or has it always been this way? The research, technology and funds always lacking because there were more important things in which to invest? Hell, had they not landscaped just one of those artificial archipelagos in Dubai you'd be trolling space-blogs in space-Starbucks right now. Am I right?

This is gonna really hurt once gravity kicks in!

No. It is clear to me now that we are right where we need to be. And so, dear reader, I hope you have learned the crucial lesson here is do not ask too many questions. Just be happy with what you have to be happy with. Thanks for listening. I will leave you with this: my final thought.