I Hate Knowing Nothing (Beginnings)

In doing "research" on how to begin a blog, the one piece of advice I came across everywhere I looked was: write what you know. Now, firstly, there are a surprising number of blogs out there on the topic of blogs. I must assume that these constitute a post-modern movement of meta-blogs, which theoretically devote themselves to my favorite thing in life: self-perpetuity. So if bloggening is all about writing what you know then I am assuming these people are experts on..blogging? Now: even though I have resisted for the longest time this first step into the "future" (aka your "present") and managed to remain relatively happy in tech ignorance (read social networking=fail) I do know this: if you believe yourself an expert on bloggeuring, you are cool and I like you.

                                                I mean I really like you..in that way

Secondly, this turned out to be a sort of rude awakening for me. I had to realize and come to terms with the fact that I know nothing. I mean it. Everything I ever learned, read, saw on the tube, in "real life," everything. Sure it's all floating around in there in a sort of soup. But it's a murky sort of soup. Beef Stroganoff. That sort of thing. You kind of know what's in it but you can't really pick and choose. You just get whatever your spoon comes away with. And that is somewhat the way in which my memory functions. Its all there, I guess; in the soup. And every now and then some half-cooked gritty morsel (I'm also not a very good cook) floats to the top and I bring it to my mouth. OK, not the best-made metaphor, but as I said, I know nothing:

                                             That's where I keep my spare socks!

So where does that leave me? With no real grasp of anything modern day: politics, economics, business, sports, fashion, beard-growing competitions, not even a well-formed sense of humor, how am I to draw the readership and senseless devotion of the masses I so crave? I mean what can I possibly bloggenate about if I know nothing? Well I thought about it while sitting on my man-throne:

                                                         This is my kingdom.

And, after many man-hours, came up with this. The only thing I know is that which I hate. Living in New Jerk City has given me at least this brand of expertise. And this is what I wish to share. And maybe in the process to learn something here. Something I can hang on to. Something about myself and why I do what I do, say what I say. But fear not: I stand by my vow to offer no insight, no wisdom or revelation, no creamy morsel of life value to you, my dear reader.